Saturday, April 20, 2013

Being Single: Does That Mean We Have to Be So Desperate?

I am a follower of pop culture to some extent, though I prefer watching documentaries, the history channel and foreign movies on Netflix. I am not ashamed to admit that I watch a few reality shows for light-hearted entertainment. A common theme of reality shows nowadays is the desperate single girl.

Watching some of these shows, especially those that purport to show women what they're doing wrong in relationships, makes my skin crawl. I think to myself, these women look like they've packed their brains up and sent them away for vacation.

What about what men are doing wrong in relationships?

Women Are Powerful
This unfortunately is representative of the desperation of a lot of young women today in real life. They want men more than men want them. That is why I believe a major power shift has happened between men and women over the past five to 10 or so years.

Whereas before men had a little bit of an edge over women when it came to relationships, money and other issues, now they have a huge edge in many cases.

But women have always had the real power. We hold it together better than men when faced with tough situations. After divorce, women are more likely to keep pushing on while men give up or take it to the point of committing suicide in staggering numbers to the tune of 8 times more than women (source: "Men After Divorce: In Touch With Feelings" by Bill Ritter, ABC News). A lot of men simply can't cope with being alone.

Women hold families together. We are powerful beings.

But because women today act so desperate and irrational when it comes to men, men now think that they have all the power. They happily quote ridiculous stats "10 women for every 1 man" (even though that makes absolutely no sense in the world of statistics) and use that to wield power over women.

I've Been There
I'm no different, I've been there. I dated someone for close to a year who treated me like a princess, talking marriage and children. Then he flipped "the switch."

Flipping the switch is for lack of a better term a "mindscrew" that some guys use to try to gain power over women. The guy treats you with respect, regard, caring, all that, then you do one minor thing that he doesn't like and you're suddenly less than dirt.

I was brought to the brink of major depression and I'm almost ashamed to say it was 98% due to this man. Every day I woke up feeling miserable and thinking "so what's the point." I almost allowed myself to sink into the abyss over a MAN. How could I allow this to happen to myself?

Thanks to prayers I managed to pull myself out of the pits on my own. I honestly don't know how it happened -- it just did. One day I woke up, laughed and said "No more Jay! This is silly." Then I started a new fun project and forgot about the bums from my past.

One good thing did happen as a result of these experiences with men: I learned a major life lesson: do not take men that seriously. It also inspired me to write. Now I'm hoping to inspire young women who are in the same position right now (depressed, feeling unwanted, feeling unworthy) that I was in almost a year ago.

The "Go Get Your Man" Movement
Back in the day, women may have still been subservient to the men in their lives, but they had more respect for themselves. Because of this, men had no choice but to line up at a woman's door to court her properly.

Nowadays, women willingly chase after men.

Years ago, I remember it clear as day, there was a movement (mostly from men) telling women that it is okay to be aggressive and go after the man you want. I always said that was a bad idea - men should court women. Traditional courting is the reason why many of us are here today!

And now we have the end result of that movement.

I also think popular media, music and sappy Hollywood love movies are partially to blame. Actresses and singers pine over men and cry because they're single. They chase after men.

In what universe is this acceptable behavior for a woman? The MSM (mainstream media) basically tells women: "you need a man to exist, so give chase." Meanwhile to men, no matter their qualities: "you can exist just fine without a woman and they're so desperate for you, so just sit back, kick up your feet and let one come to you."

Time for a Wakeup Call
To be clear, despite my bad experiences with them I definitely do not hate men. I just think that they, as well as women, need a wakeup call. I want to help empower women to gain back a better position and attitude when it comes to men.

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