Before, I proceed further; let me convey my appreciation and sincere thanks to all Ezine esteem readers. I am very sanguine that with yours dedicated efforts; we united would be able to prevent teenagers and adolescence suicide. In my previous thought sharing assignment, I tried to share some common problems of teenagers but today, I would dwell upon various different problems of teenagers. During my study, I have observed that most of the teenagers behave more or less in similar fashion irrespective of the country or continent they belong. However, there is a vast difference in perception and social activities of teenagers originating from urban and rural areas. As teenager's suicide problem is more or less confined to urban areas, my endeavors would be to highlight maximum issues on their unstable state of mind and immature conduct. There is also a definite pattern of behavior of teenagers in United State of America, Europe and Russian states. While the Asian aborigine commits suicide quietly, the Western countries teenagers', contrary to general belief, have been found to be indulging in violence activities before ending their own lives.
I have observed during my interaction with teenagers that the developing ego state of a child and an adult is the main cause of depression, adaptability and suicidal tendency. Most of the children, who get positive support at home, behave wisely; but generally the lack of attention at home is identified as true cause of Teenagers Suicide. My endeavor is once again to analyse and bring out various other teenagers related issues in the society. A few important burning issues which cause depression and isolation amongst teenagers are discussed as under:-
o Mental Stress Supervision Response (MSSR)
o Risk Behavioral Attributes Symptoms (RBAS)
oVisual Changes Disorder (VCD)
I will touch upon a few MSSR, which generally every teenager undergoes after
crossing the age of twelve. At this stage, a child is not only admitted in next higher education standards but also grows physically to meet social obligations thus putting an extra stress on her kindhearted mind and flexible self-esteem. In fact, a teenager is crushed between the adolescence temperament and grown-up image. A girl teenager, on entering in her thirteenth year, is undergoing various biological changes in her body. When her body begins to transform and grows as a woman, she suddenly finds herself out of place thus developing various mental stresses while trying to ascertain her status as a child and adult. Diverse social checks imposed by parents also make her think differently. A few factors of state of mental stresses on girl teenagers are;
o one, why so many restriction are imposed by mother; what to do and what not;
otwo, she also finds herself confined from a liberal free growing attitude of a child to growing adult female;
othree she gets engrossed in analyzing within herself; as to why some many restriction are imposed on her and not on her brother;
ofour her own biological body changes such as commencement of menstruation cycle and development of breast etc;
ofive development of various complications like severe pain in thighs, stomach, head and lower back and;
oSix increased sense of self consciousness of exposing her legs, breast and other body parts thus becoming obsessed with possessive and defensive visual attitude.
oSeventh, she is confined to social etiquettes as a female and not as a child. If girl is closer to mother, she shares her thought or else; she confides to her best friends. If friends are sensible nothing goes wrong otherwise, the teenager might go astray. I suggest that the mothers must interact at night before going to bed to asses their children mental strengths and weaknesses during transition of body changes.
oEighth the pressure from parent, teachers and self to perform well in studies for children not involving sports.
oNinth a few teenagers who take part in extra curricular activities and sports also find added pressure of doing well.
Though most of the boys exhibit carefree attitude, but by and large, they are more under mental stress than girls. The boys have to live up to the family legacy of inherited social status. In certain cases, the mental stress is so much that the boys collapse under the credence of uncomfortable requirements. The parents begin to expect sharing of increased family responsibilities and commitments from boys. They generally undergo:
oOne, stress of sharing increased parent's expectations;
oTwo, enhanced anticipated social responsibilities in the society;
oThree, intense pressure of performing well all as round development;
oFour; pressure to perform well in other than academics;
oFive; increased expectation of parents to share daily household routine activities;
oSix; over burden to do well in studies thus forcing boys to attend numerous extra coaching and tuition classes daily;
oSeven; of course to pursue family line of business to earn livelihood;
oEight; remain always under mental pressure to live up to the expectations of over ambitious parent whose social standings are at stake for nothing and;
oNinth; the last but not the least is if a teenager has become victim of some greed and already taken a wrong step such as gambling, drug consumptions, liquor addictions or sexual misadventures at premature age both by boys and girls.
After analyzing the state of MSSR issues, I would suggest a few RBA symptoms to identify disturbed teenagers to take preventive steps and corrective measures to avert loss of life. During my studies, I have observed that most of the teenagers who had committed suicide had exhibited a set pattern of behavioral change amongst them. I have enlisted most of the obvious symptoms to identify before a teenager's commit suicide. one, child becomes irritant and tries to view every act of parent suspiciously; two becomes very violent and authoritative with younger siblings but tries to avoid facing elder brothers/sisters at home; three child follows a retired hurt syndrome; fourth he tries to remain alone thus isolating self specially when at home; five develop erratic behavior of absentmindedness and forgetfulness; sixth child expresses very fearsome timid or totally bold conduct to conceal mistakes; seventh he often remains absent from school; eighth all such children exhibit disobedient and submissive mind-set; ninth developing and reflecting an arrogance and argumentative nature; and tenth the most important and apparent reason is the mismanagement of time at home and school. The child will either not complete home work or miss classes with out parent's knowledge. In all the cases, he exhibits fear, worrisome and fretful approach.
You will agree with me that until unless you neglect your child to such extent that he has too commit suicide, than it would be wise to say "we are not fit to be good parents". I, therefore, fell that there is a constant need to keep a check on your teenager if he is behaving suspiciously. I repeat that keeping close eye and monitoring your child should not be misunderstood as spying. I have observed some of the teenagers in USA behave very violently when they came to know that their parents were trying to know their where about.
After discussing the various mental stresses, behavioral attributes, I would analyze the Visual Changes Disorder or generally I nick named it VCD conflict. At this stage, a child undergoes and develops a severe Internal Psychological Rationale Inconsistency (IPRI) condition of mind. An alert mother or father can easily find out from the activities of her/his child. When child is put under various restrictions, he gets confused. Some times, child finds that many restrictions imposed by parents are not being followed by them, thus leaving an iota of doubt in his mind in differentiating as to what is right and wrong? Three obvious indicators are to identify such stage of child; one he becomes aversive in conduct; two reflects repulsive nature; and three always acts in a justifiable manner to prove his point of arguments for every wrong. The IPRI state of mind is the ultimate decision making approach. I recommend that parent had to follow my CCPA theory of handling such child. The Calm, Cool and Patience Approach model of handling child is developed after nearly twenty years of continuous studies.
What, I CCPA actually meant is one, be Calm while hearing your child, two behave compositely and always act Coolly while interacting; three always be Patience while taking decision deciding your child's career, studies and social responsibilities.
In addition to the aforesaid problems, I have also observed that there are some more
strong Mental Disorders (MD) qualities, which such children have, by and large, reflected before ending their lives. These are:
oThe first MD is Right Adamant Syndrome (RAS) is very dominant attribute
observed amongst most of the children who committed suicide. RAS means that a child tries to justify his every action without understanding the implications. He believes that whatsoever, he is doing it is right and he cannot take any wrong step. Under such condition, the parents have to follow Listen to Interact and Discuss (LID) approach. Under no condition, force your decisions. You should listen to your children patiently and discuss various solutions with them. Remember, your actions are to avert tragedy and not force your decision. I have also observed that at this time the parents also suffer from I Am Right (IAR) disorder. Due this IAR approach, parents become insistent and force their will on children thus further alienating the child.
oThe second MD leads to Leave - Me Alone Disorder (L-MAD). This disorder is
very strongly seen amongst all teenagers when they are fifteen or sixteen years old. Such children, who are crossing the age of adolescence and entering in adulthood, often reflect L-MAD traits. Whenever you find your child is victim of this trait please follow concept of mix and deal (MAD). Under such conditions, become friendly with your teen and try to make him part of some important family decisions so that he is not isolated and willingly share his concern with parents. MAD concept requires regular interaction on weekly and fortnightly basis meetings with the teenagers. Parents must remember that when your child begin to frequently say Leave - Me Alone, think that some thing is wrong. Follow MAD to deal L-MAD.
oThe third MD relates to Lack of Faith Arrogance Stimulus (LFAS). LFAS is
evident in most of the cases of children going astray. When, children are unable to meet ever increasing education pressure, than they suffer from LFAS personality clash. You will observe that under such conditions your children will reflect lack of faith every where. Your child will be shy in approaching parents for wrongs and reserve in discussing various problems with their parents. In these conditions, children generally exhibit most of the obvious signs. This is the most dangerous sign of a child before committing suicide. To overcome the problem, I recommend that parents should adopt the concept of Trust My Faith (TMF) conduct. Make sure that your children pose total faith in you that irrespective of the errors, they are not going to be physically assault and humiliated. Remember, errors can be rectified but once life is gone, it cannot be revived. TMF is an ongoing process which has to be implemented from the day you are blessed with a child.
Not confining to above, I have also observed the four different attributes amongst neglected teens.
One; they carryout certain acts to draw attention of their parents to stress out MD;
Two; such teens begin to feel that they have grown enough to take responsibilities and make decisions;
Three; when checked they get very frequently irritated and;
Four; some of the teenagers remain confused, and act to distract parent's attention.
I have coined a few quotes which can be placed inside house in dining hall, guest,
children and study rooms so that children read frequently to gain faith amongst working parents. One, "Work and study Hard, to become a Good Human being"; two "You are my precious gift of God, I trust, your all actions would be for Good of others"; three "love thy parent to love thy God"; Good Children never hide any thing from their Parent; and "Wherever you are, I am with you my child".
Nevertheless withstanding the above suggestions, I also recommend observing your teenagers activities to guide and mould and not to rebuke and reprimand. You're your teenager suffer from isolation and depression, he shows a sudden change in his/her behavior with parents and elders. Such children should be kept under constant conversation through interaction. Never spy on your teen; but make him believe that you are keeping an eye to help him and solve his problem. You will agree that girls as comparative to boys, are placed under many restrictions by their elders due to various social raisons d'être. I suggest that all parents should maintain close relationships with their children after they cross the age of twelve:
oone, mother with girl and father with boy must interact minimum once a day. Try to have always share one meal either breakfast, lunch or dinner on dinning table or mat; If you missed any meal, you should seek excuse saying Quote" Sorry, over work kept away" Join you next meal".
otwo must interact with your children for minimum an hour or so once a fortnight;
othree once a week spare time to make teens believe that you have taken break only for them;
ofour share lighter veins moment with them before going to bed as Daadi Maa (grand mother) Tales;
ofive never let your child feel isolated. Parent should remember that their asset is their children and not work.
oSix, how over committed you may be it is immaterial to your teen; but how approachable are you matters most?
At last, I would analyse in my next series as to what teenagers think when they enters teenage. My daughters say that there is a tendency amongst all teenagers to ascertain their positions at home, school and with in friends. How they do is so obvious that parents can easily differentiate between a cared and neglected teenager. Most of the working parents feel that by dropping and picking up children from school gates ends their responsibilities towards growing teenagers. Some parents feel that by pumping bundles of notes in their teenager's pockets they have done their share of bit. Such parents are grossly wrong as most of the teenagers are hungry for LPC (Love, Passion and Company).
Before, I proceed further; let me convey my appreciation and sincere thanks to all Ezine esteem readers for supporting the movement of Suicide Free Teenagers Year of 1007 (SFTY-007).