Is your relationship flashing warning signs? Are you in a relationship that you have some doubts about? Would you like some insight about how to solve your problems but don't want to share too much with your family or your best friends about what you are feeling?
Often, it is scary to talk about warning signs with those closest to you. Once they hear what you are going through, they may hold a grudge against your love. You and your partner may work it out and get over it...but your friends and family won't.
To help you be aware of warning signs, and to evaluate your relationship, take this assessment test. Rate yourself on a scale of 0-10, 10 being the best score. Score each section:
·8-10 Good. You are doing well in this area.
·5-7 OK. You may need to work on this area, but it can probably be solved.
·0-4 Needs work. Don't proceed without professional counseling.
Relationship Assessment Test
Warning Sign #1. SHARED VISION:
The first warning sign is if you want to lead different lives. Ask yourself: Do my partner and I have a clear picture of what we want in life? Do we have common goals for our future together? Example: do you dream about living in an apartment in Paris, and does he rhapsodize about someday living on a farm in West Virginia? If so, this is not a shared vision.
2. SIMILAR VALUES:
A huge warning sign is having different values. Do you know each others values? Do you both love children, tell the truth, believe in fidelity, are both frugal, etc. Example: If you value Sunday church and your religion and he is an atheist, you have a vast difference of opinion about what is important.
3. INDIVIDUAL MISSION:
A warning sign is when one person has no direction or purpose to their life. Do you know each others mission? Are you both aware that you have special talents and gifts and are you prepared to wholeheartedly support each other in using them? Example: Are you planning to be a doctor, but your partner really wants to be a couch potato? If so, you are not on the same page.
4. SUCCESSFUL AS A SINGLE:
A big warning sign is if one of you is needy. Have both of you been happy and successful as singles? Do you know how to be alone and how to make yourself happy? Are you looking for someone to make you happy? Are you seeking a partner out of desperation or need? Example: you both have friends, support systems, finances, and careers.
5. BAGGAGE HANDLED:
Carrying baggage from the past is a big warning sign. Have you both cleaned up your baggage from the past? Are either of you controlled by an Ex? Do you have strategies in place about how you will deal with people from your past (parents, friends, co-workers) but you will not let your past rule your present? Example: the Ex does not call either of you for friendly chats or for help.
6. SAFE COMMUNICATION:
A warning sign is when you are not talking about your issues. Do you know how to have the "hard" talks without hurting each other? Do you know how to create a safe place to express what you need and want? Example: you do not accuse, you inform.
7. POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT:
Negative words are warning signs. Do you spend most of your time validating each other? Do you recognize the skills and talents each of you have and remind your partner of them? Example: Do you say far more positive than negative things to each other on a daily basis?
8. NO BAD-MOUTHING:
Another warning sign is when you are complaining about your partner to others. Do you speak harshly or negatively about each other to other people? If you have issues, do you discuss them? Example: If you can't solve them, do you get help?
Commitment issues are warning signs. Are you both in this relationship for the long haul? Do you both know it is not okay to have other romantic interests on the side? Example: If one of you feels a need to see other people, do you understand that you have to work your way out of this relationship, just as you worked your way into it?
If you don't feel grateful for your relationship, this is a warning sign. Do you think your partner is the most fabulous person in the world and are you grateful everyday that you are together? Example: Do you let your partner know that?
A score of 80 to 100 means that your relationship has an excellent chance of surviving. A score of 50 to 75 means your partnership is okay, but will need some work. Below 50 means you need to rethink your commitment.
If many of these areas are not working in your relationship, these are your warning signs. Take a look at the areas that you should talk about. If you have a low score, ask your love to go to counseling with you if you truly want this to last. Because, if you're in love...that's the least two people in love can give each other.
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