The past few nights I know my mania is fading. I can feel it in everything I do, a complete lack of functionality trying to settle in and I find myself screaming no, no, no. I cannot go back to the depression again, and I sure as hell cannot crash into it either. I feel like I am standing atop a massive cliff and looking down all I see is darkness and despair and I realize no matter how much I hold on, a big gust of wind will come along and send me over. And then I will coming crashing down, finding myself at the very bottom and having to dig my way back out again.
That's what the crash is like.
Bipolar syndrome is daunting enough. Simply knowing you have the cycling effect of moods. But once you understand it all, and I mean really understand it, it can be so much worse. I think part of the anticipation of the crash makes it even harder to deal with. This time though, I'm fighting back.
Here's some of my current methods to prepare for the crash of mania into depression and hopefully a method of making the transition smoother.
Stick hard to my routine. When depression settles in, it can be hard to do anything but once I begin doing it, it doesn't feel so bad, so I am simply forcing myself to go through the beginning motions with the hopes I can survive till the end.
Not allow myself to wallow in bed. Already I feel like all I want to do is sleep, so I am removing myself from the bedroom altogether. The only time I will enter there is when it is actually time to go to bed. No working in the room nothing, simply sleep.
Continue to exercise. Like everything else it's harder to start but I find as long as I can get myself started I can keep doing it.
Setting very small goals. Little goals are holding me accountable and pushing me forward. And speaking of goals, I am making them known to others so I feel more like I have to actually do them, than I would if it was a goal only I knew about.
Starting on my depression medications now. I know this could potentially knock me right back into mania but I feel I am already far enough into the crash that it's time to start now and not when I am already the puddle on the floor.
And that's just a start. Simply being prepared is making a difference, and allowing me to function more normally than previous crashes.
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