Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Enemies of Love - Part Two - Cynicism

Are you cynical? Cynicism can destroy a relationship if not unchecked.

I have a friend who is very cynical and says "if you're not a cynic in today's world, you're not paying attention." Curiously, this guy is so negative that most of his oldest friends don't want to be in the same room with him anymore.

Cynicism is defined as an attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others.

You weren't born cynical. When you were a kid, the world was filled with wonder. So what happened to you?

People become cynical after being used or abused by others. People become cynical when life kicks them around. They end up not trusting anyone for fear of another disappointment or heartache.

If you take that kind of attitude into a relationship, you won't get far. Most emotionally healthy people are not drawn to cynical people. It's pretty easy to spot someone who is hopelessly negative all the time. All you have to do is listen to them talk. Everyone is out to screw them...everyone is dishonest...everyone is evil.

I can understand that a cynic is trying to protect his heart from painful experiences. But a person with a closed-off heart and mind will have a tough time giving of himself to another person. Intimacy is nearly impossible since you don't trust anyone not to hurt you. That can get lonely after a while....which will likely make you even more cynical.

Cynicism can spiral downward into depression.

So how can you break the cycle?

One of the best old sayings I've ever heard, and a saying I use every day is "If you want to know what people really value, don't listen to what they SAY...only watch what they DO."

Evaluate yourself and everyone else by that saying. It will help you be less cynical.

Stop living in fear of getting hurt. No one should allow himself to be ruled by fear. Pain is a part of living. I don't mean that you should enjoy pain...that's sick. But you can't spend your life running away.

Self talk is vital to maintaining ANY attitude. Most of the unhappiness in our life comes because we listen to ourself more than we talk to ourselves. If you know you're cynical and want to change, you'll have to tell yourself positive words. I recommend you speak to yourself out loud. You brain needs to hear your own words in your own voice. Repeat positive words over and over. In time, you'll actually begin to feel differently.

Emotionally healthy women are not drawn to cynical men. They are drawn to men who can trust and love. Work hard at putting aside cynicism. I don't mean that you should deny that the events that made you cynical exist. But how you process it affects your life every day.

A cynic cannot be a Great Lover. Be a Great Lover.

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