How to get over an affair is a question that bothers many people who want to restore their marriages and still get some assurance that the marriage will work. Matrimonial recovery is a difficult process, as it involves very sensitive matters of infidelity. A person needs his or her partner's support in the process of recovery. Getting over an affair requires hard work and a lot of understanding for both parties. Many people fall victims to infidelity due to their partner's lack of commitment and attention, which was shown earlier, when the relationship was young.
The first decision is to make up one's mind about breaking-up with their lover. The second most pressing issue is after breaking-up with your lover, will you be in a position to love your spouse just as much as you did before. When a person makes such crucial decisions, it is important to cut out all the means of communication they had with their lover like all the Internet and phone-calls. People should focus all their attention on getting their marriage back on track, rather than thinking about their lover.
The very first step on how to get over an affair is to end any type of relationship with their lover. As long as a person is still communicating or seeing their lover, they have little chances of reviving their marriage. The first weeks after separation are filled with depression and agony and a person may develop withdrawal symptoms. These are compulsive craving accompanied by intense feeling of depression and anxiety, but they fade away with time. Even if it might take longer to get over the withdrawal symptoms, it is absolutely essential to go along with it, just to get your marriage on track. Your partner has to put a lot of effort in trying to fill the void, which triggered the affair in the first place. The only time you can appreciate your spouse's affection is after dealing with depression and anxiety associated with withdrawal. This is also the time when a person is ready for reconciliation. After this duration, people may find themselves in love again, but if they give into their withdrawal craving, it might extend their withdrawal period as the feeling of anxiety comes back more stronger. If this happens it might test your spouse's patience hence, a person should be very cautious when trying to communicate or see their lovers again.
There are some steps a person can take to avoid contacting their lovers when trying to get over an affair. One of them is honesty. Telling your spouse all about your lover and the decision to stay away from them and restore your marriage helps a great deal. This should continue during the entire time of withdrawal as it opens ways, which prevent one from being selfish and inconsiderate to their spouse's feelings. No one can restore any relationship based on lies or even deception. It is good to be honest even if there is a chance your spouse may reject you.
The second thing is to always account for all your time. It is good to make sure that your spouse knows about your whereabouts and each activity you are undertaking throughout the day. This prevents you from making contact with your former lover. It is good to spend quality time with your spouse during the withdrawal period. This is because, the more time you spend with him or her, the less tempted you will be to contact your lover.